He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
