she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
