Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
