Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
