If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Fuck appropriateness.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
