So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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