Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
