Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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