Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
