if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
