So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
