Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
