No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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