Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
