I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
