My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
