This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
