im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
