Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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