I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
