I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
