The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
