Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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