"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
