discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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