Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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