I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
