Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
