I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
