i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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