so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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