it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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