brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
