You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
