Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
