I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
