I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
