I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
