I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My friends, they love my intelligence
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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