This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
