his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
