i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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