I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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