my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
