i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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