Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
