i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
