Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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