I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
