you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
