Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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