you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
