My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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