Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I FOUND THE LEGS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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