sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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