I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
