Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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