i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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