he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
