Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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