I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
