dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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