eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
