Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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