just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
