Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize