Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
