kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
