He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love you.
Bad choice
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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