Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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