God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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