The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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