The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
