The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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