i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
