I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
