I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize