HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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