I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
