Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize