Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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