Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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