69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
