guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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